Job (A Primer)
Posted on | November 18, 2009 | 2 Comments
Winter comes ‘round every once in a while to remind you that you got no one to keep you warm. All that cold breath gives you a cover for your shiverin’ and keepin’ to yourself and holdin’ your books real tight and stayin’ inside.
These nights the black chill comes on real quick—and darker than before—so’s you don’t forget you can’t trust even your own eyes to keep you from stumblin’ over yourself. Nights like these, reason is a little lamp on your nightstand that whispers to your rollin’ ‘round that it ain’t too late to just git up and pour yourself a glass of numb. But it goes down the wrong hole and another, too, and still another, ‘till it leaves you sprawled out in the wet grass thanking Jesus for tall wooden fences and neighbors good enough to pretend they ain’t heard nothin’ last night.
And you cry to yourself and to God for birth and death and the whole rotten show between. And you ask the good Lord why he lets those little demons so close to you and if there ain’t no demons why he gets off on not tellin’ you who you are and what he wants from you. ‘Cause life’s too short to not know what, and if I wasn’t a preacher’s son I was on 4th Street until my cheeks were flush.
And when I wake up in the morning in a pile of my own sick, I wonder what’s the point of being good or bad or anything at all. ‘Cause I done both and I ended up here, while folk better than me have done pretty awful for themselves, while devils in suits get the whole lot in life and pretty tombstones with pretty words on ‘em when they die.
Father, sir, you did a lot of talkin’ about God’s love until I gave you a reason to bring out the belt. And I can’t say I’m mad at you anymore about any of that, ‘cause maybe all you were doin’ all along was showin’ me what God’s love was about. So you beat me. Well, I’m beaten. And I’m red and I’m sore and my eyes are sunk in and so far as I can tell God’s love ain’t nothin’ but a stray bitch on my lawn sniffin’ at my ass at dawn tellin’ me I’m late for work.
Anyone Can Play Guitar
Posted on | October 21, 2009 | No Comments
Man! Nothing like good music, a few cups of coffee and a sleepless study session to make you feel alive! Reminds me of the good old days in the Corps with caffeine pills and sleeping bags under my office desk.
That’s Where It’s At
Posted on | October 15, 2009 | No Comments
Sub-21 minute three-mile run clocked this morning at 20:53:00. The new goal is 19:30:00.
Sleeping is giving in, so lift those heavy eyelids
Posted on | October 13, 2009 | No Comments
So I was running my daily three-mile and thought I was backtracking to older end times, which was briefly depressing until I realized I was running a minute faster than I thought. 21:15! Maybe I should try for sub-20:00.
Intellectual Loneliness
Posted on | October 6, 2009 | No Comments
It’s amazing to me to think of how many people there are in the world, and then to think of how many people there are who I don’t think I will ever understand.
Sometimes, I’d love to be brought back to my brothers in shackles and carry out the rest of my days pointing at all those lovely shadows on the wall. But then I’d miss the sunlight.
22:00:00
Posted on | September 29, 2009 | 2 Comments
I did it! This morning, I ran three miles in 22:00 exactly. Now I’m wondering if I should start lifting or try for 21:00.
There is a Light That Never Goes Out
Posted on | September 28, 2009 | No Comments
There’s always that pesky feeling of loneliness that stems, no doubt, from the persistence of an inability to relate. The Beatles are getting less play these days, and The Smiths are on the cusp of its resurgence as my popular authority: this is how I know I’m coming up on a personal shift (juvenile, I know.)
I’m not depressed by it like I used to be, nor does it dominate me in such a way that I make hasty and inadvisable social interactions out of desperation for connection I know I could never possibly gain from the convenience of my proximity. I guess this is how I know I’m growing up. It used to grip me so hard, and these days I see there is so much more out there than this one feeling — still, in spite of my overall contentment, it is at least one thing that’s missing in my life and no number of accomplishments could serve to compensate for its lacking.
I want to find someone I don’t have to just tolerate, whose company I desire and who makes me want to be something greater than myself. That I expect someone like this exists is another sign of past lessons learned, or maybe my recent optimism.
Life is just far too easy on its own to not find someone who challenges you.
Ambition Only Leads to Failure
Posted on | September 24, 2009 | No Comments
I tried my hand at swimming laps this morning. Kicked my ass. Fun, though.
Victory’s Sweet Even Deep in the Cheap Seats
Posted on | September 22, 2009 | No Comments
22:28 on my three-mile run this morning. A personal record!
I’m coming for you fast, 22.
Iran’s emergent revolution
Posted on | September 21, 2009 | No Comments
Protestors flood Tehran streets
By Borzou Daragahi and Ramin Mostaghim, Associated Press
Tens of thousands of protesters swarmed the streets of Tehran and at least two other Iranian cities Friday, audaciously turning an annual rally in support of the Palestinian cause into the first major demonstration against the government of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in six weeks.
“Not Gaza, not Lebanon, I’ll sacrifice my life for Iran,” chanted the protesters as they stretched out along the capital’s wide boulevards.
This article is just so well-written, and so full of real, personal accounts of the anti-government marches that took place Sept. 18, which was supposed to mark this year’s iteration of an annual rally for the Palestinian cause. The student-led protests questioning the validity of Ahmadinejad’s presidency and the usefulness of anti-Israeli sentiments are even more astounding because they go in the face of three consecutive months of beatings and imprisonment for anybody recognized as sympathetic to their cause. Some of the state police apparently support their cause as well, according to AP, with one officer encouraging an opposition demonstrator, “Come on, don’t be afraid. Be brave. We die once, and this is worth it.”
When ever an event such as this one comes along and allows me to empathize with someone clear across the world, who may not share my heritage or skin color or religion, it reminds me how silly all these manufactured borders are which separate our common humanity. Absolutely a must-read.
I wish my Iranian brethren the best in their opposition to an invalid, out-of-touch regime.
